Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

DIRTY TRUCKER
A German trucker, 30, was charged after crashing his lorry in Sweden while high on drugs and looking at a porn mag.

WEDDING DANCE
A couple will wed in a lap-dancing club in Basildon, Essex, after visiting a fetish night there.

DIRTY DOZEN
Brits hear swearing a dozen times an hour in a typical day - and most find it unacceptable, a survey reveals.

Great Newspaper Headlines #4

Day four of our Great Newspaper Headlines feature where I bring you brilliant newspaper headlines and at the end of the year pick my favourite.

I swear I read this cracker in the Sunday Herald ...

Swearing on TV. Does Anyone Give a *!!@?
The BBC is banning the broadcasting of bad language before 10pm.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

It's super Saturday and I'm up for the fight with Mr Bookie again today.

I'm going with The Sun's Tot Tips and stuck a tenner on West Brom, Chelsea and Colchester at 7/2.

Having got seven homes up last week I hope to repeat the trick today and I'm backing .. Spurs, Bristol Rovers, Charlton, Dag & Red, Hearts, Berwick and Livi (any 6 from 7)

My three away's this week are Villa, Sheff Utd and Kilmarnock.

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

WASHED OUT
Mums do 38 TONS of washing in a lifetime, the same weight as four double-decker buses, a study has revealed.

SHED LOADS
Dopey council bosses blew £100,000 trying to find a new name for the M Shed industrial museum in Bristol - and ended up sticking with the original one.

DRUG PUSHERS
A gang used airline food trolleys to smuggle cocaine worth £1million into Australia's Sydney airport.

Great Newspaper Headline #3

Day three of our Great Newspaper Headlines feature where I bring you brilliant newspaper headlines and at the end of the year pick my favourite.This bonnie beauty appears in today's Scottish Sun ..

JINGS, CRIVVENS .. HELP MA BOD!
Legendary Scots comic strip character Maw Broown has a new book out revealing her famous family's beauty secrets.

Newspaper front pages

Too busy too read the papers? Don't worry The Editor brings you the best of what the papers have to offer each day. Here's what making the news today ..

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

I'm on something resembling a roll, folks .. I'm actually taking some money off Mr Bookie.

On Saturday I got seven homes up - Arsenal, Villa, Newcastle, Preston, Leeds, Southampton, Ross County at 16/1.

And yesterday I had Hearts ft/celtic ft at 28/1.

I also got three homes up - Man U, Everton and Chelsea for a small return after perming 3 from 4 - I fancied Wolves to draw at home with Fulham but not to be.

Aw well, I'll make do with being £140 up this weekend.

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

TOO LONG, JOHN
One in four British men are still wearing the same underpants they bought 15 years ago, a poll shows.

LAGS ON THE RUNS
At least 370 inmates and dozens of prison officers have gone down with diarrhoea at Wandsworth jail, London.

OUT OF CONTROL
Brits spend one month of their lives looking for a remote control, a study has revealed.

Newsaper front pages

Too busy too read the papers? Don't worry The Editor brings you the best of what the papers have to offer each day. Here's what making the news today ..

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

The Editor has had a very decent start to the season and has taken a few bob off Mr Bookie .. particular success has come from the Europa League qualifiers (got 10 homes a few weeks back) and backing Jermaine Defoe and Wayne Rooney for first and last scorers.

Oh, and I had Scott Brown first scorer for Scotland against Macedonia and Robbie Keane last scorer for Ireland against Cyprus same night.

So I'm hoping my luckyish streak can continue tonight as the Champions League kicks off.

Rubbish odds across the board so I'm going for all the big hitters to come away with wins tonight .... Man U, Chelsea, Real Madrid, Juventus, Bayern, Atletico Madrid and Wolfsburg.

The Championship is murder to predict with every team capable of beating every other on their day .. but it doesn't stop me trying.

I'm on Derby, Leicester, Preston and West Brom.

I'll also chance my luck and go for 3 draws - Marseilles, Ipswich and Swansea.

Wish me luck!

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

HARD DRINKER
Wacky Juergen Hopf claims his beer works like Viagra after stirring it naked at his brewery in Schoenbrunn, Germany.

THE X-RATED FILES
One in five women has had a sexual encounter with an alien, Russian scientist Sergey Speranskiy claims.

HEAVEN & HELL'S ANGEL
Tattooed church minister John Lloyd, 67, of Cambuslang, Glasgow, has quit the pulpit to join a motorcyle gang and tour the country on his Harley Davidson.

Paper talk

My football gift to you .. a round-up of all football rumours from today's newspapers.

Lionel Messi is set to sign a £170,000-a-week deal (after tax) to stay at Barcelona until 2016. (Daily Mail)

Celtic are to scout Japan and Tokyo full-back Yuto Nagatomo on the recommendation of former Parkhead midfielder Shunsuke Nakamura. (Daily Express)

West Brom want to sign Fulham striker Diomansy Kamara on loan. (The Sun)

Everton are keeping tabs on Bristol City full-back James Wilson, who is currently on loan at Brentford. (Daily Mirror)

Fulham could also be set to lose Sweden international defender Fredrik Stoor, who is hoping to secure a loan move from the club. (The Sun)

Bolton centre-back Danny Shittu is set to move to Sheffield United on loan, with a view to a permanent switch. (Daily Mirror)

Preston are keen on Stockport striker Carl Baker. (The Sun)

Great Newspaper Headlines

Day two of our Great Newspaper Headlines feature where I bring you brilliant newspaper headlines and at the end of the year pick my favourite.

This little beauty appeared in the Scottish Sun ..

THE SASH MY FEATHER WORE
A PARROT has sparked an unholy war - because it belts out controversial Protestant anthem The Sash.
Pet bird Rio learned to whistle the song, which includes the line The Sash My Father Wore, from listening to Rangers fan owner Linda Gillies.

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

BURGLAARRRS
HMS Bounty - a ship featured in The Pirates of the Caribbean films - docked in Greenock, Renfrewshire at the weekend and was ROBBED by brazen burglars.

FISH PINGERS
Microwaveable fish fingers are being launched by Young's.

FLOWER POWER
Experts are "around five years" from making tyres and other rubber goods from DANDELION juice in Aachen, Germany.

Paper Talk

My football gift to you .. a round-up of all football rumours from today's newspapers.

Celtic set to tempt Spurs with £7m offer for Robbie Keane (The Mirror)

Chelsea have agreed in principle to sign 17-year-old Croatian goalkeeper Matej Delac from Inter Zapresic for about £2m. However, unless the Blues win an appeal over their transfers ban, they will not be able to sign him until January 2011. (Daily Mail)

Wigan striker Marlon King has been linked with a loan move to Championship side Sheffield United (Daily Mirror)

Former Rangers defender Michael Ball is being targeted by Notts County director of football Sven-Goran Eriksson. The 29-year-old is currently without a club.

Preston defender Sean St Ledger will be recruited to help strengthen Middlesbrough's rearguard in a £3m deal. (Daily Mirror)

Roy Keane's Ipswich are hoping to agree a loan deal for Bolton's Nigerian defender Danny Shittu. (Daily Mail)

Newspaper Headline of the Year

It has been a while boys and girls .. but The Editor is back with his usual shenanigans.

A new feature will be Great Newspaper Headlines, where I bring you brilliant newspaper headlines and at the end of the year pick my favourite.

This headline might not go down too well with the PC brigade but is brilliant nonetheless ...

BT PHONE HOMO
BT has been named the most 'gay friendly' company in the world, according to the International Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.