Funny(ish) newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ..

SCALES OF JUSTICE
A robber who lost 6st faces seven more charges after cops revisited unsolved raids pulled by a fat man in Linz, Austria.

TIPPING POINT
A 24-year-old waiter who did 112 hours' overtime each month died of a heart attack in Kyoto, Japan.

SEX EDUCATION
A teacher accidentally gave pupils a porn film instead of a school DVD in Homosassa, Florida.

Paper talk

My football gift to you .. all the transfer talk and rumour from today's newspapers.

Spartak Moscow are eyeing £6m summer swoop for Celtic winger Aiden McGeady. (Various)

London-based developer Andrew Ellis has admitted for the first time that there are other investors involved in his consortium's bid to buy Rangers. (the Herald)

Former Leeds United chairman Chris Akers is hoping to gather investors from the Arab state of Qatar in a bid to take over Rangers. (Daily Mail)

Portsmouth say manager Avram Grant, who has been linked with Celtic and is a friend of Hearts owner Vladimir Romanov, has received an offer from a top Scottish club. (Daily Express)

Portsmouth administrator Andrew Andronikou says Avram Grant will remain in English football despite offers to manage Scottish, Dutch and Italian clubs. (Daily Mail)

Fulham forward Diomasny Kamara could be poised to reject a summer switch to Celtic in favour of a move to boyhood heroes Paris St Germain. (Various)

Nancy left-back Jean Calve says Celtic can sign him for nothing despite the French club offering him to the Glasgow outfit for £600,000. (Various)

Blackpool will target Rangers' Kirk Broadfoot and Dundee United's Garry Kenneth to strengthen their defence should they win promotion to England's top flight. (Daily Express)

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway says he might be forced to sell Scottish midfielder Charlie Adam if their side fail to beat Cardiff City in Saturday's Premier League promotion play-off final. (the Sun)

Michael Stewart has completed his move to Turkish club Genclerbiligi after his contract ended with Hearts. (Various)

Scotland striker Steven Fletcher will not be asking for a transfer despite Burnley being relegated to the Championship and interest from Premier League clubs in England. (Daily Record)

Rochdale manager Keith Hill has accused defender Rory McArdle of greed because he signed for Aberdeen as they would have received compensation if he had joined another English club. (Various)

Alex McLeish has begun talks to sign a new three-year contract to keep him manager of Birmingham City. (Daily Record)

Midfielder Stephen O'Donnell wants to stay with St Mirren but does not know if they will offer him a new contract. (the Sun)

Dunfermline Athletic want to sign St Mirren's Chris Smith, who previously spent a spell on loan at East End Park. (Daily Express)

Dundee, Hamilton and St Johnstone are interested in out-of-contract St Mirren defender Jack Ross. (Daily Express)

James Wesolowski is lining up a move to Peterborough United, Hamilton having long since given up hope of signing the on-loan Leicester midfielder. (Daily Express)

Motherwell's Stephen Craigan will captain Northern Ireland when they play Turkey and Chile next week as Aaron Hughes and Maik Taylor are being rested. (Daily Record)

Stirling Albion's Allan Moore has verbally agreed to become Morton manager and expects the move to be completed next week. (Various)

John O'Neill and Roddy Grant are poised to manager Stirling Albion when Allan Moore switches to Morton next week. (Various)

Thanks to BBC Scotland.

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ..

ALBERT SQUARES
Pub quizzes are more likely to be won by celebrity and TV soap fans than people with high IQs, a survey found.

SALT & VINEGARGH
Firemen freed a woman whose arm got stuck in a vending machine as she bought crisps in Croydon, South London.

FIGHT FOR CRUSTICE
A fast-food boss has put up 100 pizzas as a reward to catch a robber who held up one of his shops in Washington, US.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

I'm going for five homes and five aways ..

Homes: Brighton, Bradford, Alloa, Northampton, Southampton (any 4 from 5)
Aways: Dunfermline, Accrington, Norwich, Rochdale, East Stirling (4 from 5)

All up for a small fortune and a great Saturday night!

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ..

NO SPANK YOU
A charity shop boss has issued a plea to kind-hearted fetishists to stop handing in whips, chains and edible g-strings in Fort William, Inverness-shire.

MIAOW THEN
A cat whose miaow sounds like Jimmy Savile catchphrase 'Now then, now then'has gone missing in Romford, Essex.

RASH BEHAVIOUR
Kids with eczema are more likely to have mental or behaviour problems later in life, scientists in Munich found.

Great newspaper headlines

The Sun comes up trumps once again as they report on two gangsters who, on their way to kill a rival with a home-made bomb, accidentally blew themselves up in Adelaide, Australia.

The headline ....

GANG BANG

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

I've gone for 5 homes, 5 aways, 3 draws and a long-shot single.

Homes: Barnsley, Boro, Coventry, Alloa and Peterhead.

Aways: Forest, Accrington, Norwich, Colchester and Leeds.

Draws: Hamilton, Hearts, Kilmarnock

Long-shot: Grimsby at 7/2

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ..

WILLY GET OFF?
A sex attack suspect will be measured after a victim claimed that he had a nine-inch manhood in Dusseldorf, Germany.

ARMED CROOK
Prisoner Elijah Armstrong was beaten up by another lag usinga prosthetic arm at a jail in Monroe, New York.

CHOO ARE BUSTED
A train fan who passed himself off as a driver for months was rumbled as colleagues in Hungary noticed he was too happy.

Headline of the day

Nudists fear being overlooked now 131 new flats look set to be built next to a naturist beach in Portsmouth, Hants.

And the headline is ...
EYEFUL TOWER

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ..

BARMAD
Barmaid Sylvia Mutzel, 30, of Munich is suing a German brewer for using her photo in ads worldwide without asking.

AFFAIR COPPED
A wife who texted her husband she had been kidnapped in Bratislava, Slovakia, was found by cops with her lover in a hotel.

ABSOLUT IDIOT
Actor Marc Schulze, 36, collapsed on stage after downing real vodka while playing a drunk in Frankfurt, Germany.

Paper talk

My football gift to you .. a round-up of all football rumours from today's newspapers.

Celtic manager Tony Mowbray is considering a loan move for £8m-rated Aston Villa central defender Curtis Davies. The Hoops will pay £1.8m for Brondby striker Morten Rasmusssen. (The Sun)

The Parkhead side have resisted a fresh attempt by Gordon Strachan to lure Scott McDonald to Middlesbrough, saying their top scorer is not for sale. (Daily Record)

Manchester United have joined Tottenham in the race for £18m-rated Toulouse midfielder Moussa Sissoko - as they prepare to let winger Zoran Tosic join Cologne. (Daily Mail)

Wayne Rooney is being linked with a move to Real Madrid, who have hired super-agent Pini Zahavi to negotiate a deal for the striker. (The Sun)

Manchester City have had a £2m bid for Victor Moses turned down. (Daily Star)

Robinho is set to return close to Brazilian club Santos in a loan deal until the end of the season. (The Sun)

Blackburn are keen to sign Barcelona forward Eidur Gudjohnsen on loan and are also interested in Stuttgart's Turkish midfielder Yildiray Basturk. (Daily Mail)

West Ham are set to sign South Africa striker Benni McCarthy from Blackburn Rovers on loan for 18 months to get around work permit issues. (Daily Mirror)

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

It's been too long, baby. Have you missed me?

I've not updated the blog in a while but don't worry folks I'm still handing over money to Mr Bookie on a regular basis. I even win now and again.

Today I've gone for five homes and five aways.

Homes are Sheff Wed, Carlisle, Bury, Norwich and Morecombe..

Aways are Dundee, Alloa, Livi, Caley and Rochdale.

Wish me luck .. I'll need it!