Tales from the tabs

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

BLOCKBUSTER HIT
A man survived being shot when the bullet hit a DVD in his pocket in Walterboro, South Carolina.

EX-TINGUISHED
An anti-smoker sprayed a fire extinguisher over his lover after she lit up in Berlin. They have split up.

REF OFF YOU PERVERT
A 17-year-old player has been banned for six months for grabbing a female ref's boobs in an Italian youth football game.

Newspaper front pages

Too busy too read the papers? Don't worry The Editor brings you the best of what the papers have to offer each day. Here's what making the news this Thursday ...

Funny newspaper phrases

Journalists love nothing more than a good "knobbly monster" - a desperate attempt not to use the same word again . . . when there is only one. Named after Paul Hudson, who was writing about alligators when, having used up "reptiles", he resorted to "the knobbly monsters".

Here are some classic funny newspaper knobbly monsters (compiled by Tom Churchill of The Scottish Sun

Henry VIII: the crew-cut king (The Sun)

World Cup: the solid 18-carat gold trophy (News of the World)

A road in Sorrento: the cobbled, pedestrian-unfriendly thoroughfare (The Sun)

Personalised newspaper gifts

Guest blogger Scooped! regularly brings you examples of his brilliant personalised newspaper and personalised magazine front pages.

Scooped! produce fake newspapers for every occasion - and they also design brilliant personalised magazine front covers.

Their professional journalists write and design bespoke pages - a completely unique front page for any occasion and a truly special keepsake.

Your page will be designed exactly as you want it .. original story, original headlines, original picture captions - no two pages are ever the same.

Call their newsdesk on 0141 443 5743 for a personal interview with a Scooped! reporter. Tell their hacks all about the person, provide funny stories and tell them what you would like included in your unique front page and their professional journalists will do the rest.

No other company in Britain offers this service so show that someone how special they are by putting them all over the front page of Scooped!

Here is an example of a bespoke 40th birthday newspaper front page - the perfect personalised birthday gift.

The Scoop front pages are by far the best personalised newspapers and magazines in the UK - and the only ones written and designed by real journalists who have worked on national newspapers.

For more information go to www.makingthenews.co.uk

Karl Heinze Rumour-nigge

Transfer rumours from today's football newspapers .....

Arsenal are on the brink of signing defender Ignasi Miquel. He is set to join the Gunners when he turns 16 in October. (Various)

Manchester United will have to battle it out with Barcelona in order to sign Bayern Munich full-back Philip Lahm. (Daily Mail)

Hibernian star Steven Fletcher says he is flattered at being linked with Real Madrid but says any proposed move is a little "far-fetched". (Daily Record)

Barcelona are keen on Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso but the Spaniard wants to wait until the summer before deciding on his future. (Daily Mail)

Fulham's protracted move for Rangers striker Daniel Cousin is no closer to completion after the Gabon international said he would be staying in Glasgow until at least the summer. (The Independent)

Manchester United defender Gerard Pique has been linked with a move back to Barcelona. (The Independent)

Cole-gate: Day after the Brits

Seems the Cole War is not finished after all. Cheryl turned up at the Brit Awards last night without her wedding ring despite last-ditch talks with Rat King Cole.
Woooooooooooooooooooo.
Any excuse to use this ridiculous pic.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

Trying to get a coupon up in the Champions League - eight games this week, I predicted one correctly.
Let's hope the Uefa Cup provides some salvation.

I fancy Leverkusen (8/11) to see off Galatasary by the odd goal. Moscow (Evs) may only be playing for pride after being hammered 3-0 by Marseilles in the first leg but home advantage, plastic pitch and an early goal may make it interesting. Panathanaikos (5/6) are decent at home and the green and whites should knock Rangers. Bordeaux (1/2) are on fire and should beat Anderlecht. I'm predicting Braga (2/1) to provide the shock of the night. Bremen are cruising from the first leg but are poor on the road while Braga have lost only 6 goals in 11 games at home and could win by the odd goal for some consolation.
Five £1 four-folds and a £1 five-fold will pay over £100.