Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

HARD DRINKER
Wacky Juergen Hopf claims his beer works like Viagra after stirring it naked at his brewery in Schoenbrunn, Germany.

THE X-RATED FILES
One in five women has had a sexual encounter with an alien, Russian scientist Sergey Speranskiy claims.

HEAVEN & HELL'S ANGEL
Tattooed church minister John Lloyd, 67, of Cambuslang, Glasgow, has quit the pulpit to join a motorcyle gang and tour the country on his Harley Davidson.

Paper talk

My football gift to you .. a round-up of all football rumours from today's newspapers.

Lionel Messi is set to sign a £170,000-a-week deal (after tax) to stay at Barcelona until 2016. (Daily Mail)

Celtic are to scout Japan and Tokyo full-back Yuto Nagatomo on the recommendation of former Parkhead midfielder Shunsuke Nakamura. (Daily Express)

West Brom want to sign Fulham striker Diomansy Kamara on loan. (The Sun)

Everton are keeping tabs on Bristol City full-back James Wilson, who is currently on loan at Brentford. (Daily Mirror)

Fulham could also be set to lose Sweden international defender Fredrik Stoor, who is hoping to secure a loan move from the club. (The Sun)

Bolton centre-back Danny Shittu is set to move to Sheffield United on loan, with a view to a permanent switch. (Daily Mirror)

Preston are keen on Stockport striker Carl Baker. (The Sun)

Great Newspaper Headlines

Day two of our Great Newspaper Headlines feature where I bring you brilliant newspaper headlines and at the end of the year pick my favourite.

This little beauty appeared in the Scottish Sun ..

THE SASH MY FEATHER WORE
A PARROT has sparked an unholy war - because it belts out controversial Protestant anthem The Sash.
Pet bird Rio learned to whistle the song, which includes the line The Sash My Father Wore, from listening to Rangers fan owner Linda Gillies.

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

BURGLAARRRS
HMS Bounty - a ship featured in The Pirates of the Caribbean films - docked in Greenock, Renfrewshire at the weekend and was ROBBED by brazen burglars.

FISH PINGERS
Microwaveable fish fingers are being launched by Young's.

FLOWER POWER
Experts are "around five years" from making tyres and other rubber goods from DANDELION juice in Aachen, Germany.

Paper Talk

My football gift to you .. a round-up of all football rumours from today's newspapers.

Celtic set to tempt Spurs with £7m offer for Robbie Keane (The Mirror)

Chelsea have agreed in principle to sign 17-year-old Croatian goalkeeper Matej Delac from Inter Zapresic for about £2m. However, unless the Blues win an appeal over their transfers ban, they will not be able to sign him until January 2011. (Daily Mail)

Wigan striker Marlon King has been linked with a loan move to Championship side Sheffield United (Daily Mirror)

Former Rangers defender Michael Ball is being targeted by Notts County director of football Sven-Goran Eriksson. The 29-year-old is currently without a club.

Preston defender Sean St Ledger will be recruited to help strengthen Middlesbrough's rearguard in a £3m deal. (Daily Mirror)

Roy Keane's Ipswich are hoping to agree a loan deal for Bolton's Nigerian defender Danny Shittu. (Daily Mail)

Newspaper Headline of the Year

It has been a while boys and girls .. but The Editor is back with his usual shenanigans.

A new feature will be Great Newspaper Headlines, where I bring you brilliant newspaper headlines and at the end of the year pick my favourite.

This headline might not go down too well with the PC brigade but is brilliant nonetheless ...

BT PHONE HOMO
BT has been named the most 'gay friendly' company in the world, according to the International Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

GUILTY PLEASURE
Jobless Terry Thurling, 27, was jailed for four months for stealing eight vibrators from a sex shop in Canterbury, Kent.

SEX EDUCATION
A teacher accidentally beamed porn on a screen seen by kids of eight at posh Pennthorpe School in Rudgwick, West Sussex.

THANK BRUNO
New comic film Bruno, starring Sacha Baron Cohen as a gay Austrian Tv presenter, has led to a 120 per cent rise in inquiries by Brits for hotels in the country.

GRAVE STONED
Junkies are harvesting opium from poppies growing in a church garden in Waterloo, south London.