Tales from the tabs

Some funny newspaper stories from today's papers, courtesy of The Sun.

FAT LOT OF GOOD
Losing weight is the most common New Year's resolution in the UK - but Scots are the least likely to bother making pledges for 2008.

FEELING PECKISH
A farm in Devon has created Britain's biggest roast dinner - a turkey stuffed with 11 other smaller birds.

WHAT A PHONEY
Inventor Alexander Graham Bell stole the design for the telephone, a shock new book claims.

Personalised newspapers

Guest blogger Scooped! regularly brings you examples of his brilliant personalised newspaper front pages.

Scooped! produce fakes newspapers for every occasion. I know you're just finished buying Christmas gifts but here is a great personalised wedding newspaper for those tying the knot over the festive season.

The Scoop front pages are by far the best personalised newspapers in the UK - and the only ones written and designed by real journalists on real national newspapers.


For more information go to www.makingthenews.co.uk

Newspaper front pages

Here's what making the news today ....

Knobbly monsters

Journalists love nothing more than a good "knobbly monster" - a desperate attempt not to use the same word again . . . when there is only one. Named after Paul Hudson, who was writing about alligators when, having used up "reptiles", he resorted to "the knobbly monsters".

Here are some classic funny newspaper knobbly monsters ...

Daleks - The tinny tyrants from Skaro (James Clench, The Sun)

Splinter - The lethal shard of wood (Jamie Pyatt, The Sun)

Giant squid - The long, pink lump of leathery flesh (Brian Flynn, yup it's The Sun again)

Head lice - The sesame-seed sized, six-legged parasites (Jeremy Vine, Radio 2)

Ron Davies: The wood-loving romper (Mark Bowness)

Classic headlines

Here are some funny newspaper headlines from years gone by ....

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Judge to rule on nude beach

Child's stool great for use in garden

Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

After yesterday's stunning success (my first coupon up in 3mths and for those of you who didn't notice Aberdeen, Falkirk and Inverness Caley all won) I'm feeling confident for today.

I'm going for Blackburn and Hull to win and Man City and Liverpool to draw. Fiver pays £55.

Derby have improved under Paul Jewell, got a good draw at Newcastle and were unlucky to lose a last minute goal against Liverpool. They are due a wee win but Blackburn were impressive at Man City and should be too strong for them.

Hull have Dean Windass who can score against anyone and will hopefully be too strong for Sheffield Wednesday.

Man City are great at home and Liverpool need the points so I can't split them.

Two in a row for The Editor? I'll keep you posted.

Karl Heinz Rumour-nigge

Some football rumours from today's newspapers . . .

Former Spurs boss Martin Jol is ready to take over from Sam Allardyce should he get the boot from Newcastle - The Sun.

Celtic are set to sign German right-back Andreas Hinkel from Sevilla - and he could make his debut in Tuesday's crunch Old Firm clash - Various

Spurs striker Dimitar Berbatov says he wants to stay at White Hart Lane. Man Utd could look to Blackburn stiker Benni McCarthy if they can't tempt Berbatov to Old Trafford - Various

Steve Bruce hopes he can lure Blackburn's Robbie Savage to Wigan - Daily Mail

Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka will join Chelsea in the January transfer window for £10m - Daily Star

Tales from the tabs

A couple of funny newspaper stories - lifted from today's Sun.

OLD CHRISTMAS PRESENT
Jane Allan, of Aberdeen, celebrated her 107th birthday on Boxing Day with a glass of her favourite port and a slice of Christmas cake.

WILL POWER
William Wallace came thirtd in a poll of the "greatest Wills", won by Shakespeare.

I GIVE UP
Only one in ten of us will keep up New Year resolutions, researchers have revealed.

RESTRICTED SPACE
Russia is to halt space tourism, saying there is "no more room" for rich civilians on rocket trips.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

Last betting day of 2007 and I'm due a wee win (surely to God)
Got three lines on ....

*Hibs to win, Sheffield United/Palace to draw
*Birmingham, Portsmouth and Spurs
*Falkirk, Inverness and Aberdeen.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssse!

Let's Get Married .....

The Editor is taking the day off today to celebrate the marriage of his good friend Richard McKay to Miriam Dougan.
Here are the happy couple pictured on the front page of The Scoop.

We wish them all the happiness in the world.

Personalised newspapers

Guest blogger Scooped! brings you examples of his brilliant personalised newspaper front pages each day.

Scooped! produce fakes newspapers for every occasion. I know you're just finished buying Christmas gifts but here is a great personalised anniversary newspaper - the perfect personalised anniversary gift.

For more information go to www.makingthenews.co.uk

Newspaper front pages

Here's what's making the news today ...

Head cases

Here are some more funny newspaper headlines that unbelievably made it to print ....

Invisible Man Disappears From View - Reuters

Virgins Are Discovered In Essex.

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.

Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

OK, I'm not putting anything on this as I'm on such a bad run that I can't afford to lose any more but I reckon there will be goals in the Man City v Blackburn game tonight.
City have a great home record and are worth backing at 10/11 with coral.
Blackburn HT City FT also worth a couple of quid at 25/1 with skybet.

Tales from the tabs

Some funny newspaper stories from today's Sun newspaper ...

STUB-BORN LOT
Fewer people than ever - just two per cent - are making quitting smoking their New Year's resolution.

SO CROSS
Valerie Begue, 22, has been axed as Miss France after a magazine published pics of her floating on a crucifix in a swimming pool.

ROLE TO DI FOR
Film fans are being offered the chance to appear as an extra in a film about Princess Di's death - by paying £100.

ABI'S TIT-MUSS GO
Busty Abi Titmuss is putting her boobs away - for good.
Abi - who shot to fame give years ago thanks to the infamous John Leslie sex tape - says her nude 2008 calendar will be her last as she is now launching an acting career.

Newspaper front pages

Here's what's making the news today ...

Knobbly monsters

Journalists love nothing more than a good "knobbly monster" - a desperate attempt by a hack not to use the same word again . . . when there is only one. Named after Paul Hudson, who was writing about alligators when, having used up "reptiles", he resorted to "the knobbly monsters".

Here are some more of my favourite funny newspaper knobbly monsters ...

Pressure cookers: The useful devices for quick cooking

Brazilian: The severe bikini treatment

The Office Xmas Special: The double-barrelled festive parting shot for the Slough cleaning product salesman

Tapas: The multiple nibbles.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

Only two betting days of 2007 left - please please please let me finish with a flourish.
Got 5-fold on Swansea, Leyton Orient, Darlington, Aberdeen, East Fife
4-fold on Everton, Hamilton, St Johnstone, Stranraer
Dundee Utd HT Celtic FT
Motherwell to beat Rangers and Draw HT Motherwell FT

It was Christmas Eve babe ....

A Christmas gift from The Editor .... the best Christmas song ever. Enjoy!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ltiY-BqvOIU

Personalised newspapers

Guest blogger Scooped! brings you examples of his brilliant personalised newspaper front pages each day.

Scooped! produce fake newspapers for every occasion. I know you're just finished buying Christmas gifts but here is a great personalised birthday newspaper - the perfect personalised birthday gift.

Knobbly Monsters

Journalists love nothing more than a good "knobbly monster" - a desperate attempt by a hack not to use the same word again . . . when there is only one. Named after Paul Hudson, who was writing about alligators when, having used up "reptiles", he resorted to "the knobbly monsters".

Here are some more of my favourite funny newspaper knobbly monsters ...

Citroen 2CV: The Gallic runabout (Glasgow Evening Times)
The Gallic runabout

Brut after-shave: The potent green pong

Chainsaw: The whirring powertool

Newspaper front pages

Here's what is making the news on Christmas Eve ...

Tales from the tabs

Some funny newspaper stories ...

PAOLO NO-TUNEY
Pop star Paolo Nutini has been left in a blind panic after losing a mobile phone - packed with new song lyrics.

NO BRAINER
Top-selling electronic game More Brain Training is leaving users bamboozled - because its voice recognition system can't understand Scots accents.

Knobbly monsters

Journalists love nothing more than a good "knobbly monster" - a desperate attempt by a hack not to use the same word again . . . when there is only one. Named after Paul Hudson, who was writing about alligators when, having used up "reptiles", he resorted to "the knobbly monsters".

Here are some of my all-time favourite funny newspaper knobbly monsters ...

Daleks: The pepperpot-shaped trundling nasties (Jamie Pyatt, The Sun)

David Gest: The facially-challenged self-styled impresario (Lorraine Kelly, The Sun)

Cheques: The paper payment system

Kids' scooter: The lightweight aluminium transporters

Lovehearts: The fizzy message-bearing sweets

Personalised newspapers

Guest blogger Scooped! brings you examples of his brilliant personalised newspaper front pages each day.

Scooped! produce fake newspapers for every occasion and here is one of their legendary front pages from their personalised engagement gift range ...

Newspaper front pages

Here's what's making the news today ....

Scoop of the day

There can only be one winner of Scoop of the day .... the News of the World newspaper exposing Proclaimers star Craig Reid as a love rat.

The picture, left, is good enough, the quotes from disappointed groupie Elizabeth Kim even better ....

"There was no foreplay, he was wearing the worst underwear I've ever seen—and he didn't even take his glasses off," said Elizabeth.

"They kept bashing me in the head so even when I had my eyes shut I knew I was kissing a Proclaimer."

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

Coupon drought: Day 84.
Another stinker yesterday but my luck has to change some time - maybe today.

According to the newspapers today Aberdeen have no chance of beating Rangers. I beg to differ.
A wee treble of Aberdeen, Inter and Barca.

Knobbly monsters

Journalists love nothing more than a good "knobbly monster" - a desperate attempt not to use the same word again . . . when there is only one. Named after Paul Hudson, who was writing about alligators when, having used up "reptiles", he resorted to "the knobbly monsters".

Here are some of my all-time favourite funny newspaper knobbly monsters ...

Darth Vader: The heavy-breathing turncoat Jedi (James Clench, The Sun)

The Vatican: The Pope's Italian base in Rome

Viagra: The trouser-bursting tablets (Jamie Pyatt, The Sun)

Santa: The red-jacketed festive gift-bringer

Jason Donovan: The one-time Ramsay Street Romeo (The Sun)

Tales from the tabs

Some funny newspaper stories from today ...

KISSMAS CRACKERS
Killjoy council bosses have banned town hall workers from kissing at Christmas parties in Hyndburn, Lancs.

BALL AND CHAIN
Freed drug dealer Neil Lowden, 26 is back inside after his electronic tag broke as he played football near Durham.

BLING 'N QUEEN
Prince William has bought girlfriend Kate Middleton a pair of FAKE diamond earrings for Christmas.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

I'm ignoring the joke newspaper tips (always wrong) and going with my own instincts (always dangerous)
Three lines on this Saturday ...
*Arsenal and Wolves double
*Villa, Coventry and Southampton treble
*Motherwell, Clyde, East Fife, Chesterfield, Peterborough accumulator

Wish me luck ...

Football funnies

A few more football funnies ...

Paul Merson: "With 20 minutes to go, Liverpool could have scored with 10 minutes to go."

Jamie Redknapp: "Torres will be the first name on Rafa's team sheet, alongsider Gerrard and Carragher."

Phil Thompson: "Giles Barnes needs to be a bit more cleverer."

Jamie Redknapp (yes, again): "I don't think Real Madrid can win the Champions League but with their players I'm beginning to think they can."

Source: Ally Ross on TV, The Sun.

Funny newspaper stories

Here's some funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS
A magazine for mental health workers has been withdrawn after it sparked outrage by producing a top 10 of carols poking fun at ill people.
The chart lists a mental condition and a "carol".
The first is schizophrenia with song "Do You Hear What I hear". It also includes paranoia with "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town To Get Me".

STEAK OUT
Thieves who stole £20,000 of beef from a processing plant in Wishaw, Lanarkshire, are being hunted by police.

CRIMEBUSTERS
A bust of late F1 ace Graham Hill was found in Bolton yesterday eight years after it was stolen.

HOFF TO CASUALTY
Staff dubbed casualty patients with odd injuries Hasselhoffs after clumsy Baywatch star David, a medical magazine reveals.

BOOB JOBS
Students have been told to get breast enlargements for a "better chance of being employed" in Wuhan, China.

Personalised newspapers

Guest blogger Scooped! brings you another of his brilliant personalised newspaper front pages.

Scooped! produce fake newspapers for every occasion and here is another in the personalised Christmas gift range

Newspaper front pages

Here's what's making the news today ...

Funny newspaper headlines

Some more funny newspaper headlines from days gone by ...

Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

Funny newspaper stories

Funny newspaper stories from today's tabloids ...

FRIGHTING
FOR HIS LIFE
An 'unconscious' man terrified paramedics when he suddenly jumped up shouting 'I'm only joking' - then told his wife he'd won their £5 bet in Stockton-on-Tees.

STUPID PIC
A surgeon was suspended for taking a snap of a patient's willy tattooed with the words "hot rod" in Phoenix, Arizona.

SOMETHING B-LOO
Bride Jennifer Cannon got married to Doy Nichols yesterday in a public TOILET wearing a dress made of LOO ROLL in Times Square, New York.

TERRIBLE TOTS
Britain's toddlers cause £122million of damage a year to their home, insurance figures show.

Personalised Newspaper Gift

Guest blogger Scooped! is going to introduce one of his personalised newspaper front pages each day.

Scooped! produce fake newspapers for every occasion.

Here's another brilliant personalised Christmas newspaper - the perfect personalised Christmas gift

Newspaper front pages

What's making the news today ...

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

That's me finished midweek - Leverkusen and Getafe both won, Tel Aviv (8/13) lost 3-1 to a team I've never even heard of.
Sums up my luck perfectly. I'll be back on Saturday to, er, Scoop fortune .....

Funny newspaper headlines

Some classic funny newspaper headlines ...

Dr Fuchs, off to America - Der Speigel

Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says.

Miners Refuse To Work After Death.

Prostitutes appeal to Pope

News beat

Christmas gift to the nation ...

Radio 1 controller Andy Parfitt has reversed the decision to censor the Pogues' Christmas hit Fairytale of New York (easily the best Christmas song of all time) after the station was inundated with complaints by listeners.

In what could prove to be the shortest ban in pop history, Parfitt said the broadcaster was "wrong" to bleep the word "faggot" out of the 20-year-old duet with Kirsty MacColl.

Parfitt added that the unedited version of the song would be played from now on.

"After careful consideration I have decided that the decision to edit the Pogues song Fairy Tale of New York was wrong," he said.

"Radio 1 does not play homophobic lyrics or condone bullying of any kind. It is not always easy to get this right, mindful of our responsibility to our young audience. The unedited version will be played from now on.

"In the context of this song, I do not feel that there is any negative intent behind the use of the words, hence the reversal of the decision."

MacColl's mother Jean described the decision as "pathetic ... It's absolute nonsense", speaking on BBC Radio Five Live earlier today.

"Really this is too ridiculous. Shane has written the most beautiful song and these characters live, they really live, and you have such sympathy for them," she said.

"These are a couple of characters who are not in the first flush of youth, I wouldn't have thought. They are what they are, this is the way they speak ... It's like a play and it's very amusing and sad, and it's a great song."

Most visitors to the Radio 1 messageboard agreed, with some claiming it was a publicity stunt by the station.

"Totally pathetic," said one. "Radio 1 plays many songs with far more offensive lyrics, and they even employ Chris Moyles."

Source: Media Guardian

Personalised Newspaper Gift

Guest blogger Scooped! is going to introduce one of his personalised newspaper front pages each day.

Scooped! produce fake newspapers for every occasion.

Here's a brilliant personalised Christmas newspaper - the perfect personalised Christmas gift - to get the ball rolling .....

Newspaper front pages

Here's what's making the news today ...

Funny newspaper headlines

Some more funny newspaper headlines ...

Man Run Over By Freight Train Dies - The Los Angeles Times.

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.

Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing In Killing.

Police Kill Youth In Effort To Stop His Suicide Attempt.

Drug Dealers Dealt Heavy Blow Say Police.

Scoop6 and other dodgy bets

OK, I'm officially rubbish at football betting and on the verge of packing it in during the week so I only lose money at the weekend.
Ach, I'll give the bookies one last chance - fancy a wee treble on Leverkusen, Getafe, H. Tel Aviv at 7/1.
C'mon my luck has got to change some time surely!
Just don't tell the wife ....

Scoop of the day

Scoop of the day has to go to the Scottish Sun. They splash with the horrifying tale of a 12-year-old girl who demanded to have a contraceptive implant removed because she wanted to get pregnant. Incredibly, social workers in Glasgow agreed to it and the youngster - who has been sexually active since she was nine - now wants to have a baby. Her own father could become a grandad aged 28.

Not all doom and gloom in the Currant Bun - there are also one or two funny newspaper stories like ....

RACEY DRIVERS
Women who 'live in sin' with their partners are more likely to drive fast and flashy cars, a survey reveals.

Plus, there's always the legendary Striker - Roy of the Rovers for adults and the best comic strip ever!

Funny newspaper stories

Some funny newspaper stories from today ... unless of course you're related to the late snooker player from Brighton.

CELL OUT
TWO lags escaped a jail in New Jersey Shawshank Redemption-style by covering holes in the walls with pictures of half naked women.

ONE FOUR HEAVEN
Snooker player Gordon Chalk, 74, potted a black ball to win a match in Brighton then dropped dead.

BODY SHOP
Three hospital workers are being held in Vienna for offering the corpses of deceased patients for sale online.

Newspaper front pages

Here's what's making the news today ..