Today is officially the grimmest, most depressing day of the year. The Editor knows all about it as he is in day two of a two-day hangover ...
Anyway, here's some jokes from today's Scottish Sun to help make it a Happy Monday instead of a Blue Monday. If you have any jokes yourself post them here ....
A penitent goes into a Catholic Church and tells the Priest: "Father, I had sex 13 times last night." The priest says: "That's all right, my son. You're married, aren't you?" The bloke says: "I'm not even a Catholic, I just wanted to tell someone."
Two priests are looking down at the congregation from the balcony when the older one says: "I say, is that Fanny Green in the front pew?"
The younger one replies: "I think it's just the light cast through the stained-glass window, Father."
A woman is squealing with delight on her bed. Her husband asks "What on earth is up with you?" She purrs: "My doctor just told me I have the breasts of an 18-year-old." "Pff," he says. "What did he say about your 41-year-old arse." She replies: "Your name never came up."
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A man walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim
librarian, "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of
her glasses and says, "F _ _ k off, ye'll no bring it back!"
A man is studying the form when his wife whacks him on the head with a huge frying pan.
"Ow - what's that for?" he gasps.
She barks: "What was that piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Chantelle written on it?"
He says: "Chantelle was the name of the horse I bet on last week."
So the wife sheepishly backs off.
Three days later he's in his chair studying form and she whacks him on the head with the pan again.
"What's that for this time?" he cries.
His wife replies: "Your horse just called."
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